Several months have gone past and I still feel your touch, I still hear your voice and I still imagine what you would say or how you would react to mundane moments. We’ve known for so long that we are not right for each other and somehow, I always end up back on your arms. Despite the countless goodbyes, I always end up right there, on your arms. I wish I knew how to let you go and move on but I don’t know how to get you out of my head.
Sometimes I wonder how this may have happened. I think I have feelings for you and I don’t understand why. You never cared for me in any way, you have given me absolutely no reason to even like you but… somehow I think I might love you. What else would I be feeling if not love? I force myself not to think about you, I have asked you to leave and you ignored every single request, I have tried to push you away, I have said goodbye and nothing seems to work. A sentimental lie, another goodbye, I just don’t know what to do.
I need to move on but I don’t wanna love somebody else…
“Oh, we left it all unspoken
Oh, we buried it alive
and now it’s screaming in my head”
A Big Great World – I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else (Video below is a beautiful cover I have found)
Life has been rather chaotic lately. The past few weeks have carried plenty of challenges and new experiences. An old relationship has been rekindled, holidays have been booked, work has been going well enough… a lot has happened. I have also been too tired to write – yes, I allowed myself to get that tired! I suppose it is understandable that after working the entire day looking at a screen and mostly WordPress (even though at work it’s wordpress.org), the inspiration to write as Sugar has been low. On the other hand, I have had some bad news recently and I’ve been coping with it in my own way which this time involved shutting down. At some point I even started playing The Sims again to keep my mind busy!
On a positive note, I bought a DSLR (Nikon), I’m going to Oxford this week and to Czech Republic in April! I’m also going to book a trip for next month hopefully by the end of this week. I’m beyond excited.
For some reason this quick catch up blog post feels more like a “dear diary” type of thing. Meh, I’m leaving it for now.Hopefully I will be able to become more active again.
The past few weeks have been exhausting and somehow strange. I have been very busy with work and also sorting out my tax for the freelance work that I have done in the past financial year. I have also been busy in regards to my “injury” and let’s say that it may not be that temporary issue as I had been previously told. I’m quite anxious waiting for the x-ray and blood test results.
I should be less busy by the end of this month… I have so much to catch up with all the fantastic bloggers I follow!
Day 2 – Least Favourite Song
Big Sean – I Don’t Fuck With You
This one was quite easy, I had the misfortune of listening to this a few times on the radio whilst at the gym and it is simply disgusting. This song is on the top charts and for those who like it and buy it, good for you. However, I find this song completely disgusting: starting with the shitty lyrics and ending in the repetitive worn out beat. I am sure there are worst songs that I dislike even more than this one out there. I didn’t plan on overthinking it, I heard it a couple days ago which made it easy.
If you are curious about it, listen to the song on Youtube, I refuse to embed it on my blog, sorry.
1 – My Favourite Song
I don’t usually do blog awards… However, this one did feel like a special treat and a lovely way to wrap up 2014. Thank you Yinglan for all award nominations, especially this one. 🙂
The rules for accepting this award nomination are:
- Thank the person who nominated you by linking his/her blog and display the award logo.
- Nominate at least 15 other blogs (more or less). Link their blogs and inform them about the nomination.
- Mention three things that inspired you the most this week (you can talk about last week’s inspiration too).
I would like to nominate all the blogs that I follow as they are all tremendously inspiring. I’d like to give special attention to the following:
- Yinglan’s other blog, A Simple Life
- Laugh Again
- Saya D Poet
- Jennifer Rabbit Creates
- Passion Through Poetry
- I Prefer Deep Blues and Sea Foam Greens
- Passionately Curious
- I’m still updating this list, bear with me!
This week I have been particularly inspired by music, lights and serenity:
- Music – One of my biggest passions. I listen to it all the time but in the past few days I have been extra focused on it. It’s difficult to explain.
- Lights – During the holidays, everything looks prettier even if you do not like Christmas. I love to walk around and appreciate the lights.
- Serenity – Winter is at its peak and the temperature is continuously dropping. Whenever I go outside everything is serene. If you go to the park and sit down for a bit, there is nothing out there and that has truly inspired me.
As the year comes to an end and many people are thinking about their New Year resolutions, I reflect upon the past few months we spent together. We shared great moments embellished by your half-truths and my genuine belief that you could change, that I could change you. I was ready to love you with all my heart and you thought you were ready to be loved by me. Whether I am simply not the right person for you or you are a lost cause, that is something I will let you reflect upon. The truth is… you are not the right person for me and I refrain from maintaining this charade.
I could sing you a thousand songs. I could show you how I need someone I can rely on, someone you cannot be. But I am doing us both a favour. I still care for you deeply and I know I am not ready to move on, but it is time to say goodbye and look after myself by letting you go. There is no future ahead of us.
Goodbye my dearest.
“Oh, I thought that I could change you.
Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell…
I know that it’s time to tell you that it’s over,
But I don’t wanna love somebody else.”
A Great Big World – I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else
Going through my drafts… This is what I have found (originally written on 25th October?!)
Part I: Does He Know He Likes Her?
Part II: Does He Know He May Have Lost Her?
Part III: Does He Know It Is Permanent?
Fighting an endless battle against a winner made her reflect upon her previously made decisions. She wanted to close the chapter. She wanted to show him he had lost her. However, the minute a reply arrived, her world crumbled into small and emotional pieces. A ‘forever’ soon transformed into a ‘now’. She still cared for him far too much to let go and, as a consequence, she created an illusion of who she wanted him to be.
Despite her efforts, she caved in. The comfort of his touch, his arms wrapped around her and his soft lips on her forehead continued supporting the illusion that she was living in. Whether she liked him or the idea of him… that was a completely different argument. The person she forced herself to identify with was imperfect in the most compatible and perfect way.
Nevertheless, she seemed to fail to see the discrepancy between reality and imagination. She wished for the one thing he would never be… real. Will she ever see the truth? Will she ever accept that it was all a dream?
“What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I’ll ask for the sea”
Damien Rice – Volcano