You Goddamn Coward

Three years have gone past and I still remember you.
I still remember the smell of your cologne, it works as a trigger for flashbacks.
I still remember your smile, very Grinch alike.

I still remember how you made me feel. How you worked your magic and groomed me. Yes, three years have gone by and I still remember.

I still remember how I felt when you threatened, blackmailed, and used me for your own selfish benefits.

I was young, I was naive. I was unexperienced in so many aspects of life and you were a figure of power, someone to look up to, someone who should have never taken advantage of any of us.

Yes, us. Now I know it wasn’t just me. But there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve finally stopped feeling powerless, after three years. I’ve learnt to move on and feel okay. But your cowardice transcends it all.

Yes. You are a coward. A goddamn coward and I believe in karma, which will kiss you one day.

Why The Fuck Am I Missing You?

The inability to understand why I can miss such an outrageous person is terrifying. Whilst I am here on my laptop working at 9.35pm, I suddenly found myself thinking about you… out of everyone in this world, I am thinking about YOU.

Is it the music? No. It cannot be; I listen to John Mayer practically every single day of my life.
Is it the weather?
Is it the time? The date?

What was I doing last year at this particular moment?
Was I with you?
Was I in your bed? Were you holding me?

Or were you trashing my heart? My naïve mind?
Were you fucking me or fucking with me?

I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever of what may have happened today last year.

All I truly know is that right now I feel upset. Not due to the fact that I am missing something but because I am missing you… The worst piece of shit that I have encountered in my life… I feel annoyed because I did not realise you were still in the back of my mind. I feel frustrated because you do not deserve this attention. And I need to understand what made me think about you. I suppose I have unresolved issue to solve.

I hate it.