Finally Over 🎉🎆

For the past year and so, I felt so lost into one person that would practically control every aspect of me whenever we were together. Although he never harmed me, I would feel weak around him. My entire personality of a dominant woman and slight control freak would change into a weak person whose will would never be important enough. He always came first and I was always okay with it, in fact, I encouraged this behaviour with the aim to satisfy him. Making him happy somehow would make me happy. However, every now and then, I’d wake up to reality, break things up and go back to my life. Somehow, after some time (weeks, at some point months) he would contact me and I would go back crawling to him like that weak and miserable persona that I would always turn to. I never understood how he had so much power over me. I never understood why I would always prioritise him when in fact, it’s wrong. When you have such a rotten foundation, there is absolutely no point in trying to move forward because the future will be as ugly if not worse.

Today I am happy. Today I managed to feel free from him in a different way where he is no longer the ghost I keep writing about. The ghost who keeps haunting me. I sent him a goodbye text and blocked his number. I also marked it as a spam number just in case there’s a glitch of some kind and a text or call comes through, by being marked as spam, I will never get a notification for it. I deleted his number and I said my goodbyes. I think it’s finally over. I think I am finally free from this person.

What was I waiting for
Waiting for the bubble to burst
Over your stagnant pauses
Can’t cure what your devil don’t see
Or light a fire below the death of me
We’ve shot through all over our causes
Days spin through my heart
That sever the love
Kill all the pain with shame
I won’t be lost without you
I’ve found a way to get through
Now I’m up and running
Strong enough to walk away
And leave you all alone
I won’t be lost
What were you waiting for
Waiting for the straw to break
Over the back of desperate ways
You were a dream to me
Now you’re nothing but a heart
that bleeds
I’ll wash you off and carry on
Days spin through my heart
That sever the love
Kill all the pain with shame
I won’t be lost without you
I’ve found a way to get through
Now I’m up and running
Strong enough to walk away
And leave you all alone
I won’t be lost

And when I see you
I find another reason
To keep myself from getting lost in you
Skin – Lost